...because I made the right choice for something that would possibly have an impact on the rest of my life.
When I decided to go out with Prince Charming, I never thought it would get "official" so fast. He was going to move away and I thought - if I don't give it a go, I'll never know what could have been
Then I saw what could have been
and didn't like it.
Prince Charming is
...reasonably attractive, going by the number of girls who hit on him while ignorant of his family background
...headed for a sterling career
...good in the kitchen and around the house
...an attentive listener
...a voracious reader
Of course, I thought that I'd hit jackpot. Until I got to know him better.
...is very condescending to people he deems not as smart as him
...hates having to work hard
...is insensitive to the feelings of others
...ingratiates with shallow, insincere praise
...despises his mother (she isn't fantastic but she had a lot of tough issues to face and he disliked her for not coming out on top)
...takes his privileged life for granted
...is careless and callous
...doesn't care about the world around him
...is prone to launching personal attacks just to get his view across
...intends to put his career first at the expense of his future kids and wife. In other words, he will not spend quality time at home if it's going to stop him from climbing to the top of his workplace. He said this himself.
...has said some things that raised ethical alarms
...evaluates others entirely on their finances, looks and academic results
...thinks that he has a fantastic dress sense that few can match in spite of feedback on the contrary
...loves commitment, too much
...startling lack of insight and self-awareness given his reading record and travels
We had mostly good times and seldom argued. But as I got to know him better, I thought: is this who I want to commit to seriously in the future? The answer was absolutely a no. I had a few buts
going through my mind when I contemplated ending the relationship:But he's going to have an incredible career, not bills to worry about and he adores you!
And then I remembered that I don't adore him
. I should have gotten to know him better before saying yes to "Will you be my girlfriend?" but the distance made it seem sensible to define our relationship asap. Ironically, the distance also gave me time to think. I'm glad that I ended it. I've since had a clearer picture of what to look for in a guy, even one who appears to be every girl's dream. If someone's too good to be true, he probably is.
Things I've learnt:
1. Give me shyness over charisma anytime.
2. That confident smile could be arrogant condescension.
3. Not all smart people think that they should actually put in some effort to realise their potential
4. I should trust my instinct on the potential in-laws. True enough, I didn't really like his mother - she ignored me most of the time - and I found out later that she had covertly enquired about my family's finances.
5. Combine wealth and academic success and immaturity, and you'll get one of the most potent forms of arrogance.
6. Off-handed condescending remarks actually leave a very strong impression.
7. Being well-read and well-travelled does not always mean insightful, sensitive and perceptive.
He's asked me if he had any fatal flaw that made me dump him. I just couldn't bring myself to tell him the list above. Darn it, we were buddies first (but I found out that he was already attracted to me from day one). I know that he knows why, because I've told him how he can treat people better, and suddenly, when we catch up these days, he's morphed into this regretful "I-know-I'm-entitled-and-I-feel-bad" thing. But I can't help wondering how much of it is sincere and how much is a ploy.
Like a coward, I didn't tell him that it's entirely impossible between us ever.
Like a coward, I said that I just wanted out of relationships. True, I'm still single but he doesn't know that I'm looking.
Like a coward, I want to keep his friendship because he is a loyal friend and fun to be with. I've seen how he treats his friends. He'd just make a lousy partner.
And like a coward, I choose to spill my guts on an anonymus blog. So sue me.